Sticks and stone may break my bones but THE CUTLERY DRAWER WONT OPEN!
by awakened-earth
Summary: Bryce. Cool Bryce, suave Bryce, awesome Bryce: cannot. get. the. cutlery. drawer. open. and. is. now. hysterical. Poor Bryce, poor baby - it happens to the best of us. It must do id it happens to you.


Bryce, despite being suave, and cool, and the embodiment of awesome in all its flaming glory – was still human and so susceptible to the draw backs of the faulty wiring in the human species.

This was why when Chuck came back to their apartment, he found his roommate slumped by the kitchen wall, crying hysterically.

Chuck understandably reasoned that in his absence Bryce must have sustained a brain injury.

Or maybe found out that his favourite sci-fi was being canned, or a new writer had ruined the show. Perhaps Bryce had lost his comiccon ticket – oh god, what about his ticket? He couldn't go without Bryce! Bryce was the one to get him a ticket in the first place and was paying for travel.

No, it couldn't be that, he wouldn't be so careless. No way was it grades – he was too good. Couldn't be a girl either, Bryce never got too attached, and they wouldn't do anything like cheat on him anyway.

Couldn't be family; that would be stony ill looking silence, with quiet tears, not any of this hiccoughing. Had to be something medical then – something bad, possibly life altering, but it was curable, or the stony face would be on... but what could it be? It's like he's been told he's got to give up video games, maybe even sex...

Wait...

Erectile dysfunction! Had to be, Bryce couldn't have sex because he couldn't get it up, and how he's having a good old panicky cry about it in the kitchen.

Poor Bryce, Chuck knew how much he loved his sex.

Chuck slid down the wall next to Bryce and placed a comforting had on his best friends shoulder.

"There there Bryce, no need to worry, this sort of thing is very common – granted in slightly older men, but you can work with it. I know how much you like girls and everything, but there are steps you can ta- ... what?" Chuck asked, noticing the incredulous look he was receiving from Bryce ... he probably shouldn't have jumped to 'erectile dysfunction' ... why had he been thinking of Bryce's penis anyway?

"What are you talking about Chuck?" Bryce asked, wary of the answer.

"Um... I thought you may have been upset... because of your penis..."

"What? No! Neal is fine!"

"Neal?"

"Yes! Neal! And the only reason I'm here is because I can't get that draw open!" Bryce wailed.

...

Bryce... Bryce Larkin... was slumped in the kitchen because something in the cutlery draw was jamming it shut.

Oh, Bryce, it happens to the best of us.

Chuck cautiously got up and made his way over to the draw of which Bryce was indicating – he opened it... well tried to – the got it about two inches open and it stopped, the sound of cutlery hitting each other was all that emerged from the draw – the universal noise of impending frustration, enough to bring Bryce to tears.

The annoying thing was, was that the gap was too small to fit a hand in or something else to try and dislodge whatever was the cause of this hell!

"I tried to open in for two hours! Two! I couldn't! I think I missed a programming lecture but it just wouldn't open! All I wanted was some chopsticks! That's all I wanted! And the can opener – now I must starve! STARVE I tell you!" Bryce moaned.

Chuck, to say the least, was disturbed – he had never seen Bryce so unhinged before... oh that was an idea... maybe if they dismantled the damn thing – no calm thoughts, no need to end up like Bryce here, hysterically crying of the floor when he was usually so... cool.

"Bryce, we'll be able to open it eventually, and even if we can't anytime soon, we have plastic cutlery in the cupboard, and you know all kind of useful party tricks using sharp knives, so we can use those too – Bryce, calm down, it's okay, this isn't like you!" Chuck tried to reason.

Bryce, calming a little, conceded to Chuck's logic, it's just… it was so _frustrating!_ Really, all he wanted was some chopsticks to eat his pot noodle with! He didn't even like pot noodle! He was hungry! All he wanted was to open a draw! Why did the universe hate him?! Why? Was it because he stayed home while Chuck went to study and beat all his high scores?

This must be a ploy from the government! A conspiracy theory, the CIA was after him… hang on… no, never mind, too hungry – just order out Bryce, just order out!

"Maybe we could order out" Brice conceded.

"Yeah, that's good, there we go, we can try again later. Now, what do you want? We still haven't used those Chinese coupons."

"Chinese sounds good."

"Okay, well, you go sit down, and relax and I'll find the menu."

So Bryce did just that. He sat down, relaxed a bit – maybe he could get a beer, yea- no! THE BOTTLE OPENER AND THE MENU WERE IN THE FUCKING DRAWER! NO THEY'RE GOING TO STARVE! STARVE!

"Um, Bryce, sorry but I think-"

"THE MENU AND BOTTLE OPENER ARE IN THE DRAWER WE WILL NEVER EAT OUT OR DRINK AGAIN! WE'RE GONNA DIE! DIE I TELL YOU AND THIS IS NOT EVEN AN EXAGERATION!" Bryce wailed.

"Well, it is Bryce, we have other bottle openers, and you can open them on tables. It's going to be okay. Calm down. Caaaalm dooooown!" Chuck pleaded, but no use, Bryce was still in hysterics. It was a little funny that the coolest guy he knew was in hysterics, but it was mainly just sad.

Sad how this drawer brought Bryce freaking Larkin down to this level.

Something had to be done.

Preferably NOT the removal of the drawer by sheer force which was what Bryce was trying to do! No! Don't! Knives could go flying if you tried tha-… aaand he broke it.

Okaaay.

Yeah.

Bryce is apparently quite strong.

Note to self.

Ah well. At least they could get to their cutlery now.


End file.
